“I've been bearded all my adult life apart from a year when I worked in the City, and would rather scrape all my skin off than do that again.

“These days I am in Shoreditch, surrounded by hipsters with their trendy beards & skinny jeans, but I take solace in having been a beardy eccentric since before many of them were born. I am not a shallow follower of fashion like them but a trend-setter!

“I play the ancient Oriental game of Go, where there is a correlation between a player's ability and the length of his beard; and enjoy going to cricket matches, drinking fine ale, and talking rubbish all day.”